Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Random Thoughts

Random thoughts

Work is the best tranqualiser.... or is it so...

It was another part of his duty he was accoustomed with... and by now was well versed with the same. He was the same stone cold self when he announced, and swallowed all the wrath the relatives had to offer. But this day it was different, there was an uneasiness... and it prevailed.

Why me?? Why today??

It was few days ago when he had to satisfy with his own well thought of answer –‘ it is me as its meant to be and as only i can handle it’. It was on the ride back towards town abandoning his first real off from three months of physically exhausting work. He had endured it many times but none were this personal.

Way to get out of it is to fill ur head with something which has nothing in common...MOVIE

The way out of the vicious cycle dwelling in his head. It would tend to recur as soon as his mind is free. Three days of same thing repeated over and over again in every pattern and imagination available/possible and explaining and sometimes pacifying the questions raised from/at him. Getting back to work was the good answer. But it needed more than that...

Hopefully my 135cc 13.5bhp 110kg beast would accelerate me into good mood

As it was meant to be, he was alone. Regulars were out of town, others had already a plan sketched out, or had work that couldn be delayed, or excuses only they could believe, or plain not reachable... The vehicle responded with quickest in class take off, but on Hosur road there were others too zipping past beside him inches close to accidents.... ‘there is no hurry!! No need to feed the sparsh accident belt’. His hand relaxed on the throttle and the bike eased into a comfortable pace to move past hoards of vehicles and the pollution created by them... ‘its just a lil distance’... one sharp left turn and your eyes feast on a orange purple sky with the mellowed down sun vanishing into the horizon in the midst of the silhouette of the tall coconut trees and flying birds... ‘am i still at the same place?’... a gust of cold wind chills him as he enters the wonderful part of his ride...

Captain hindsight...

The famous southpark character, immortalised and often discussed comes to the mind... ‘could have...should have...would have...’ The very same sentence he used multiple times in the past few days. But alas it wont help now. Help required at the time of need wasn around, and a simple solvable matter turned into catastrophy. ‘pustakastaatu yaa vidya...’ shubhashita resounds his mind. It isn’t simple when u r the youngest one around and all expect u to be the most responsible. Its hard to evade eyes with questioning look stating – ‘all these years of study for what?’... and harder to respond to sarcastic sympathy showered. But its time to move on.

And so, the traffic moved on, even the movie, but the questions remained unanswered/ un erased from the mind. Was he too cold hearted while dealin with the issue.

We all live for the society

Was one of the random statement that he came across recently, which made him cringe and feel the chill along the spine... ‘we live for ourselves and society is just a mould created by us to keep us together’ he retaliated... but why then worry so much abt wat others may think... it wasn... it was either the guilt of not being of help, or guilt of not feeling the guilt.... ‘am the product of hundreds of hours of introspection over the past 15 yrs abt every usefull/useless matter for which the society provides norms but not answers. Am the mould created by my own decisions and choices. May have mellowed down off late but haven’t vanished. Am what i created myself to be...but the question it who i want to be ??? ’

I want to be what i was when i wanted to be what i am..... don’t think so.

Ride back was colder and clearer... but only the skies... not yet in mind. Hopefully the next day will bring forth....

Saturday, March 07, 2009

Labouring Library

This is an ode to my companion in studies the whole of last year, thot this is t right time to write abt it coz i dunno how many more months i'll be wit it. the Rajarajeswari Medical College Library.

He was smiling on the way back home even though he was riding amidst the rain infested traffic mobbed Bangalore roads. It was not his monotonous routine that was rooted in his mind, but it was this place which poured some flavour into his long day, same place known world over as the most monotonous place ever found. Yes, ‘The Library’ – A place where young inquisitive minds are ignited by infinite knowledge left by the innumerable inspirational personalities….OR Is it so!!!!

His pugilistic perseverance to progress in his pre-PG preparations persuades his persistent presence in this library. Anxious to get on with the studies he clobbers away from the continuous non-consequential conversations that clutter the conscious, to collapse onto his conventional chair to always be charmed by the creaking ceiling fans and chattering young medicos. A wry smile sparkles his face for the innocence of these students as to that they have delved into the darkest depths of doom. Yes, Ignorance is bliss!

As the hours pass sleep sets in and suddenly he can see sets of somnolescent students settled in somber surroundings and are stipulating a strong stimulus to instigate their studies. Isn’t this common to all libraries- yes, but what makes the difference here is that this mundane mood is momentarily mutilated by multiple marauding maniacs mastering the “Mystery Case Files” on the medieval malfunctioning machines called library computers?!! This is generally followed by sounds of shuffling feet, shouting librarian and a sudden shroud of murmur all around. These lazy life givers of library leave for a loo break !!!

Once in a while a wily visitor walks in to view the vast variety of books only to be vexed by his vigorously vibrating mobile, into which this virtuous victim vengefully yells ‘I’m in library, cant speak now.’ He then gives an apologetic smile at the attent onlookers enjoying this unpaid piece of entertainment. Should he be appreciated for his sense to ‘SHUT UP’ in the library!!? Come to think of it there are no ‘Silence Please’ boards anywhere in this library.

Its 3.30 pm. Lack of a college canteen leads to cumulating students for their end of day conversations which curiously culminates in a callous commotion!! Crowd disperses at the strike of 4 to catch their commute home only to leave the library high and dry.

He has to always survive this as his day runs a little longer and not a day is left where he doesn’t think of this wonderful place which serves from a Pooja room to a chatting corner to a common loo to a bee hive and also as a swimming pool during heavy rains and serves the internet frenzy (whenever it is working…that is☺) etc. Finally he wonders whether this place is serving the purpose it was intended to – as a LIBRARY!!!
The thought lingers in his mind a little longer till he reaches his destination – ‘Home Sweet Home’.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

The Conversation

It was one year… one whole year since he read any novel or penned down any ideas that were brewing in his bottomless void of a brain. One year since he touched his sketchbook or held his paintbrushes… One year he has been suppressing all his creative energy… all for a sole goal!! Was it worth that?! Is a PG seat worth losing ones identity??!!!

U dont have any perspective in life

U dont wanna achieve anything

U are happy wit yourself tho u r nothing

If u r like this only nobody wil lik u or wanna b wit u

To add to all this, there is isolation. Gone were the days when his parents scolded him – ‘Put down that PHONE…you talk too much’, or, ‘stop messaging at least while you are eating!!’ Now he hardly speaks to anyone, even when he does it is – MCQ, exams, scores. It seems there is nothing left in his life but studies.

Doesn’t it prick u when ur classmate gets thru n u don’t

Don’t you ever feel bad calling them ‘brilliant’

V r born to make good doctors

Our aim in life till we succeed shud b only makin it come true

N its not abt enjoyin life thinking that v may not b able to do so tomo

It was one of those rare days when he and many of his friends met up, watched a college flick movie. They were standing outside the theater and chatting when it struck him – he wasn’t commenting on the movie, nor was he reviewing it, but was thinking about the topics he had to cover up that night before bed.

Lifes not about watchin a movie or enjoyin it

I agree it’s a part n parcel of life, but not that

Life is a part and parcel of amusement!

All these things will be there they wont vanish

But I don’t think PGI or NIMHANS will do another exam

Sayin-‘poor fella’d been watchin a movie, so didn’t do well

So let us conduct the exam again’!!!!

Enlightment is always hard. Suddenly the dark clouds of depression had taken him over. Situation was never going to be better, the days of calm/relaxation/enjoyment were over… for good. He needed to vent out his frustration, he needed to vent before he would just burst out into an anonymous speck on this dirty world.

Come on, get agitated, get irritated and shout

‘I’m somehow gonna make it thru this time’

Take it as a challenge

Imagine once you get into a nice course, it’ll automatically drive you

After that you can go happily wherever you want

U urself wil hav the satisfaction-

‘I’ve everything in life’

At this juncture these messages from a friend unawares of this gruesome reality revived him, resuscitated him to move further, to go on and on and on and on…..


Tuesday, January 01, 2008

A Stone on the Path

I am there by the side of the road,
Same way I was there before;
Watching movement across the path
People do move there, quite a lot;
Some tired and some depressed,
Choose me as their place to rest.
Giving joy is not my task,
Some sort of refuge, is all they ask.

Withered by the sky am I,
Birds watching over me as they fly,
They need no rest they need no roof,
Their layings on me, their only proof.

People get back in their sway
Saying-'You were the one who moved away.'
But who am I to have a say...-
I'm just a stone, by your path I lay.
What else can I do but to say
'I'll be here... you go adead and play!'


Thursday, July 26, 2007

Knock knock. Who’s it? A Doc

Its been over 2 weeks now and life continues to drive me along (baduku jaTakabanDi vidhi adara saheba! How true!), communication with others has already taken a backseat, I’ve fallen off track into my present world, a mundane unusual routine…only interrupted once in a while by my mobile frantically buzzing with ‘forwards’. They always bring a smile upon my face now, no matter how pathetic they are or no matter who sent them…I instinctively reply back with my own forward which relates to something or some incident which related to us….. No one will ever notice the connection…but, I have to do it anyhow.

Suddenly a flutter ran down my heart and a heart-wrenching wail!!... No… nothing happened to me but its just my new ring tone, mobile buzzing in my shirt pocket.

Lokave heLida matidu
RGUHS saarave keLidu
Paassago chinte illi maaDabaradu
Marksina moolavelli keLabaradu
MBBS maaDabaradu
maaDidare PG entrance ge hedarabaradu!!

( A crude translation for benefit of non-kannadigas-
World is going gaga
Listenin to RGUHS saga
You gonna clear it easily here. Don’t worry
But for the marks that u r going to get, well I’m just sorry!!
Being doctor is not a bright sight
Pg entrances will give u a real fright )

It’s a nice ripoff of an old famous kannada song from film ‘Premaloka’ (I think! ).
It has been nicely molded by an unknown craftsman to fit it excellently to the life of RGUHS medical graduate. This got me thinking….

As I said, its been over 2 weeks now since we had our ‘Graduation Day’, one of the most important days of our lives where you are made to stand and take the Hypocrate’s oath, ( it rather hypocritical, if u come to think of it) asking to embrace the world without asing for any gratitude in reply (I don’t see how that can happen!). We went there all ’Suited up’ for the jubilious occasion on a chilly morning. Yes, a morning!! It was supposed to be a pleasant evening, but as the college management wanted to impress the prize-catch of a Chief-guest who was planning to leave by afternoon,so, it was altered. Management does not bother about the graduates or their family members who had to struggle to get away from work on a Monday morning, as long as they get a few more ‘grants’ from ICMR.

Anyway we were all there, the last time the whole batch together at one place. We in our most respectable attires, happy and content posing for the photos…until the curtains fell on our appearance. We were given our robes and hat which made us look DORKIER than ever and throwing all our comb-wars of the morning to set the hair-style right into a drain. Ok ok it was supposed to be an honour to be in that dress and all, but surely it was dorky and few years down the line we will be pleading to people that it is ‘really me’ in the photo, who’ll be like ‘Naa… don’t try to pull a fast one on me’!!!

After being bellowed a few times to maintain silence on that solemn occasion we marched into the celebration hall to take our places. The function moved on with all the speeches and us taking the oath, finally we were called on stage to receive our certificates and a badly printed blue booklet, a so called yearbook! (Cant even hope to compare it with our own ‘Discharge summary’) Having told us several times not to mess up, the organizers themselves messed up a few times by making few to wait on stage till they found their misplaced certificates and calling few names improperly ( mine being one of them, imagine that. It drained all the smile out of me then, well now, I have a good laugh about it) It got interesting when the time for students opinion came. I could almost see our dean’s heart thumping for it could have made a real difference in the chief guest’s mind and thus the ‘grants’ depended upon it. Suspense eroded and our colleagues spoke like true students, about the real Ramaiah and did not sugarcoat it. A surprise speech by one of the parents really brought out nostalgia in all of us. Finally.. the cherished tradition of throwing the hats, we did it twice with the roar erupting from all our hearts were being solidified in the 100s of cameras around us. We were all there…one last time… together… many I might never see again…. As the roar settled down and students dispersed a tremendous gloom set over me, severing me from the rest. I could not look at the scene anymore. I had an obligation which saved me from the rest of the evening though I utterly regret having missed the last encounter with the group. I was glad it was over. Driving back home I came up with a ripoff of my own – a famous movie sentence, from all the graduates stepping into this mad, bad world –

”We will not give up without a fight
We will not vanish into the night
We will survive, for
Today we celebrate our ‘Graduation Day’”
(Lousy, I know… but atleast I came up with something…..he he…)

Suddenly one more wail and I snapped back into my real world realizing what a simple forward can do to your mind. Read the second forward and instinctively replied back with one which revolved around ‘pens’,….I’m sure he’ll never realize the connection…. but , I just had to……

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Vedi, Veni, Veci

The Conquest of Kumaraparvata

"Vedi, Veni, Veci" (I came , I saw, I conquered). this was a phrase introduced to me recently by an enchanted friend of mine. The true depth of these words i didn't realize until i stood at the peak of 'Pushpagiri' being the part of the only triumphant team that made it to the top, with mountain flies buzzing around my head, mist blocking half my vision and a soothing gust of cool wind tingling my warm body.

Off road bonanza.
Amused we were by the sheer confidence of our bus conductor when he told that we will surely wake up before 'Kukke' is reached. We realized the reason behind his staunch belief when we were caught off-guard, off-roading in early morning. jolts of the bus woke us while the vision outside window startled us - we were moving in the water along a riverbed!!!!. The main road had been cut and a cruel 60km deviation was to be taken and thus this experience.

Way to Kumaraparvata.
There we stood, a group of 5 with varied physique and even more varied interests in life at the same spot, who had come together with a single purpose. The conquest of Kumaraparvata had begun. wide road suddenly converged into a narrow steep path leading into the jungle.None of us were new to trekking, but that sight surely intimidated us.

Enter the jungle

The 'Dehydrant' climb.
Jungle was damp and extremely humid. Even though we were protected from the burning rays of the sun by the thick canopy overhead, the heat was unbearable. The jolly attitude buried itself within the first 15 min, the backpacks stated seeming twice as heavy and sweat started to pour out of us in quantities that a municipal tap can never manage. So tired was i that i didn't bother clicking photographs (and that is a rare occurance?!!). The introduction of leeches into the picture suddenly made it more daunting. We climbed these never ending steeps till we managed to reach the grassy uphills and alas! here we had to face the blazing rays of the afternoon sun on our already battered and beaten bodies. 14 liters of water was emptied within the first 4 km climb and we desperately hoped to reach 'Bhattaramane' before we ran out of it all.

The betel-nut trees

It is a combi-tile roofed farmhouse with a beautiful garden laden with wild flowers, tall betel nut trees, guava trees and spiky pineapples with interspersed log bridges on the path. It is the heaven for all the trekkers and the only source of food and water for them. Here we were enlightened about the fact that rain god spares none during the night, and promptly abandoned our plans of camping at the summit. Thus, it had to be at the forest-camp. Camp house is set right in front of the mountains we have to climb and gave us the picturesque view of the entanglement of mountains with mist.


Misty Mountains
With clear instructions towards the route ahead we started early morning. Climb was not very rough as most of our luggages were dumped in the camp. Mist played hide and seek with us all the way till the top and spared only few minutes to take pictures.


We reached "Mantapa" our first landmark for the day with ease. It was still 5 km to the top, but it was the beauty envisaging us and the pleasant weather that pumped our spirits as we carried on climb after climb with very little rests.Sheshaparvata was breathtaking and had the true meaning of a peak with unending drop on one side. It is not the highest point though and we were denied of any view with thick mists clouding us all the time.


The leechy forest

The leechy forests
After the exuberance of Sheshaparvata we had to climbdown into this amazing forest. the thickest forest i have stepped into my whole life, with leeches crawling on every inch of it. With every step you manage to pick up one or two of them and by chance you stop to take them off 10 more will be onto you. At that situation your only motto will be - 'Run towards the nearest dry rock'. Thaks to these bloodsuckers you will cover the kilometer long forest very very fast.

The leech

The bite

The ooze

Stream to the top.
The leech territory is somewhat ended by this stream which runs across the path and it is more rocky thereafter. We climbed over the wobbling rocks over this tiny stream-let to reach some sort of rocky landing. After a thorough leech inspection we moved on, only to get lost for a while but finally reached the bushy tunnel through which the stream was originating. This was the only route to the top. This 'Pushpagiri' is not so exciting and is more or less flat topped and had 2 small Shiva temples. The sight and feeling at the top is unimaginable, it was worth the whole trouble which we took to reach there.

Search the Leech

The bush tunnel

Shiva gudi

Down into the downpour.
Climbdown was not an easy part, already with our legs drained out of every ounce of energy. To top it all couple of medical emergencies hit us which delayed us quite a bit. After a quick lunch and short rest at Bhattaramane we headed down only to be caught by the worst downpour of our lives. We were all bone drenched and so were all our stuff which didn't have a plastic cover around it. We had to make it till Bangalore in our damp clothes itself.

Painful memories
At home now my both lower limbs are screaming with pain, even a gentle touch is getting out a yelp from me. Movements are painful forget climbing stairs and this too after 2 days of recovery. Though a painful ending came to a mesmerising experience I'll be ready for one more any day with any one.

Thus ended my conquest of Kumaraparvata. Vedi. Veni. Veci.

For more photos please visit the link