Random thoughts
Work is the best tranqualiser.... or is it so...
It was another part of his duty he was accoustomed with... and by now was well versed with the same. He was the same stone cold self when he announced, and swallowed all the wrath the relatives had to offer. But this day it was different, there was an uneasiness... and it prevailed.
Why me?? Why today??
It was few days ago when he had to satisfy with his own well thought of answer –‘ it is me as its meant to be and as only i can handle it’. It was on the ride back towards town abandoning his first real off from three months of physically exhausting work. He had endured it many times but none were this personal.
Way to get out of it is to fill ur head with something which has nothing in common...MOVIE
The way out of the vicious cycle dwelling in his head. It would tend to recur as soon as his mind is free. Three days of same thing repeated over and over again in every pattern and imagination available/possible and explaining and sometimes pacifying the questions raised from/at him. Getting back to work was the good answer. But it needed more than that...
Hopefully my 135cc 13.5bhp 110kg beast would accelerate me into good mood
As it was meant to be, he was alone. Regulars were out of town, others had already a plan sketched out, or had work that couldn be delayed, or excuses only they could believe, or plain not reachable... The vehicle responded with quickest in class take off, but on Hosur road there were others too zipping past beside him inches close to accidents.... ‘there is no hurry!! No need to feed the sparsh accident belt’. His hand relaxed on the throttle and the bike eased into a comfortable pace to move past hoards of vehicles and the pollution created by them... ‘its just a lil distance’... one sharp left turn and your eyes feast on a orange purple sky with the mellowed down sun vanishing into the horizon in the midst of the silhouette of the tall coconut trees and flying birds... ‘am i still at the same place?’... a gust of cold wind chills him as he enters the wonderful part of his ride...
Captain hindsight...
The famous southpark character, immortalised and often discussed comes to the mind... ‘could have...should have...would have...’ The very same sentence he used multiple times in the past few days. But alas it wont help now. Help required at the time of need wasn around, and a simple solvable matter turned into catastrophy. ‘pustakastaatu yaa vidya...’ shubhashita resounds his mind. It isn’t simple when u r the youngest one around and all expect u to be the most responsible. Its hard to evade eyes with questioning look stating – ‘all these years of study for what?’... and harder to respond to sarcastic sympathy showered. But its time to move on.
And so, the traffic moved on, even the movie, but the questions remained unanswered/ un erased from the mind. Was he too cold hearted while dealin with the issue.
We all live for the society
Was one of the random statement that he came across recently, which made him cringe and feel the chill along the spine... ‘we live for ourselves and society is just a mould created by us to keep us together’ he retaliated... but why then worry so much abt wat others may think... it wasn... it was either the guilt of not being of help, or guilt of not feeling the guilt.... ‘am the product of hundreds of hours of introspection over the past 15 yrs abt every usefull/useless matter for which the society provides norms but not answers. Am the mould created by my own decisions and choices. May have mellowed down off late but haven’t vanished. Am what i created myself to be...but the question is...is it who i want to be ??? ’
I want to be what i was when i wanted to be what i am..... don’t think so.
Ride back was colder and clearer... but only the skies... not yet in mind. Hopefully the next day will bring forth....
1 comment:
Your quest for answers is interesting and maybe someday bring you closer to the fact that there are never answers to the above questions, leave alone correct answers.. But u already knew that.. Even then, if I see these words here, only leads me to believe that the best response here is to take the one given by the callous n condescending.. "You need rest, ur brain is overworked with maybe ur body too!".. And when u do recover from this exhaustion, hopefully soon, at a later date, we will talk.. We will discuss why my cold hearted approach to ur predicament.. Hard to believe, but that is who we have become.. Illness is just another problem that needs solving, patients just another carrier of this problem.. Emotions as we have often seen has been a road to weakness not strength as many believe it to be.. It clouds judgement,objectivity and logical decision making.. As for those in the society and their rueful eye, the moment you doubt yourself, you become the weak prey which "they" are looking eagerly to pounce on and rip-to-shreds... Look skywards more when you are down, there are many answers from all who watch over us from there that will be useful in overcoming self doubt.. I do have half a mind to give you a wack on your head and child you for even putting so much time into this thought, but as I said, that discussion is for another day.. Rest...
Post a Comment